'All great thoughts are living, and they can grow and change - grow and change as a tree, not as a cloud'.
Seeing an old friend can be an emotional experience, as it was for me this week. A treasured soul paid me a visit reducing me to floods of tears and feelings of guilt for the sin of judgement.
Absence of friends and family has been a thorn in my side for decades. Some of it was my fault, some was not. For my part, over the years I have tried to amends for those that I've hurt, upset or let down. To do this I had reach further down into my own well of despair, than I'd ever done before. Facing all that accumulated shit was a tough exercise in redemption and forgiveness. Unfortunately and for the most part, I've been greeted with a wall of silence. But that's OK.
Since I got married, I have been so fortunate in gaining new family and friends, who both love and understand me and are fully aware of the minefields I navigated in times past. It isn't a cure for depression, but it helps in many ways.
I said last week that I was going to describe the background to my condition in more detail. That is still my intention, but the encounter this week with a friend I've known and loved for twenty years was much too important not to mention.
Today, as in a few hours time, I'm meeting up with a new friend, a beautiful Iranian lady who is new to the area and is hoping to settle here on a permanent basis. That is our hope too. Although it nearly all come to naught, as I fell badly this morning putting the dustbins out for collection. I have to admit that physically, I'm not the man I once was. But.....that too is OK.